I´ve read about the heinous crimes of
child molestation by clergymen and feel completely sick now.
Besides the devastation of all that evidence and its horrendous
details, it dismayed me to see that some of these men´s
ways looked similar to what Michael Jackson was accused of.
This made me wonder in real despair whether it is possible AT
ALL to tell a lie from the truth and draw a clear line between
a real child abuser and an innocent man if the circumstances
of their relationship with children are more or less the same.
The situation looked to me completely hopeless until I
read the testimonies of the real victims. The several
hours of this horrific reading left me in a kind of a stupor
with the blood throbbing in my head, the heart pounding and
me staring blindly at the wall in sheer consternation. Twenty
or thirty years after the actual events the survivors of child
abuse are describing their horrible experience in such a way
that it makes you feel every little bit of their horror, confusion,
fear, shame and guilt as if all this was happening to you, not
And this was when I recalled the evidence which Jordan Chandler´s
side presented as proof of misconduct on the part
of Michael Jackson Jordan´s Declaration of December
28, 1993 and his Interview with a psychiatrist on October 6,
I suddenly remembered that when reading them for the first time
I couldn´t help thinking that for a 13-year old victim
Jordan sounded remarkably, even superhumanly, calm and
composed. Some three months after the alleged relationship
was over it was amazing to hear him narrating his story in a
quiet and matter-of-fact way, dividing the relationship
into various stages, reflecting on this and that and calmly
correcting himself as regards the dates, places and what did
or didn´t take place there.
There was something terribly wrong about his story and something
terribly missing there, and after reading the testimony of the
REAL victims I realized what it was the emotions,
yes, those gut-wrenching emotions which non-victims cannot
imagine and cannot fake no matter how hard they are trying
to do it.
The real testimonies show that despite all the children´s
love for their would-be abusers (most of whom were revered by
the children and their parents) NONE of the victims liked it
when they were sexually approached by those men. No, it was
completely the other way about the children were perplexed,
bewildered, horrified and feeling that something totally unusual,
strange and incomprehensible was happening to them. True, they
kept silence about the experience as they felt shame and guilt
for their own behavior but ALL of them fought their accusers
like mad, resisted them and did everything possible within a
child´s power to avoid meeting them again. What a stark
contrast with our accuser
You think that emotions are something which can be easily suppressed
by will power or forgotten by distracting oneself in this or
that way? NO WAY. Emotions are so sticky to one´s memory
that even after some 20 or 30 years the feelings of those abused
would still be SO intense that many of them prefer speaking
of themselves in the third person only (he, she, John, Belinda)
to dissociate themselves from the unfortunate boy or girl they
were in their distant past
In short after seeing testimonies of the REAL victims I have
started doubting more than ever the credibility of Jordan´s
revelations to his psychiatrist or the official statement he
allegedly made on Dec.28,1993 (a week after Michael declared
his innocence in that via satellite statement).
By saying that Jordan allegedly made that declaration I express
my doubt that it was him at all who made it. If you attentively
look at this legal document drawn up in Larry Feldman´s
office you will see that it opens and closes with the name of
someone called J. Chandler (John, James or Joseph?) and finally
carries the signature of an adult person, presumably Evan Chandler,
which is surely not the signature of Jordan himself (as if a
13-year old boy cannot write or read?).
Such inaccuracies in an official document are rare to find and
coupled with the crucial mistake Jordan made in describing Michael´s
genitalia (he said he was circumcised while he was not) make
the boy´s revelations and documents supporting them highly
dubious to say the very least.
Wasn´t the non-circumcised state of his alleged abuser
the first thing to notice if the boy was always that calm and
composed in their ´relationship´? And he was really
calm the easy and matter-of-fact manner in which Jordan
is narrating his story is absolutely stunning
Yes, the biggest surprise of it all is Jordan´s complete
LACK OF EMOTION.
Despite all the graphic details he is describing in his interview
Jordan sounds completely devoid of any feeling, which is absolutely
I repeat absolutely impossible in the
case of a real victim. Even if children like him did not
fully comprehend what was going on with them they were still
frightened out of their guts with the strange things happening
to them and the devastation of having to deal with this terrible
secret on their own
When reading Jordan´s interview with psychiatrist Dr.
Richard Gardner I sometimes thought Jordan was an aloof outsider
who was probably even rehearsed to say things:
J: I believe it was after the summer. After the summer of
´92 but not
RG: We´re in ´93.
J: Right. So it was before, like, I believe I had a break in
school in February.
RG: When was the first hug?
J: I don´t know.
RG: Do you have any idea?
RG: Was it before the summer of ´93?
J: I would think early May, middle May.
RG: What´s the next step?
J: Let´s see, I think the next step was
RG: What thoughts were on your mind [at that moment]?
J: I thought, it´s weird. It´s like it didn´t
feel right but yet it felt good.
RG: Do you feel guilty?
J: Yeah. I regret doing it.
RG: What about fears? Any fears of any kind?
RG: You have no fears?
J: Maybe of cross-examination but that´s all. I have nothing
So he completely MISREAD what kind of fears the psychiatrist
was talking about. He thought they had to do with being confused
by cross-examination in court and hiding something a
rather tale-telling mistake. In comparison with the panicky
way the real victims talked about their abuse Jordan´s
replies completely miss the point here and on the whole sound
too much sterile and TOO MUCH OF A LIE
Was the lie deliberate or was it implanted into Jordan´s
memory through that sodium amytal drug which we´ve all
heard so much about? It does not matter. The only thing that
matters is Jordan´s complete lack of emotion when he is
telling his story fake stories or artificially implanted
false memories are simply INCAPABLE of conveying the genuine
and intense emotions experienced by the real victims of abuse
and are therefore betraying their fabricated nature.
Wishing to spare you the details of horrifying testimonies by
the really abused children I will reproduce here only the emotions
they experienced in the cases comparable to the one narrated
in Jordan´s story. And then you will see what makes a
TRUE testimony of an abused child different from a FAKE one:
I was totally shocked and scared
by what had just happened.
I was terrified about it and I could not believe what
was happening to me. When everyone got up the next morning I
told my friend I was feeling sick and wanted to go home. I was
terrified of what might happen if I´d stay another night
in that cabin. My adolescence was ended that night in the cabin
by the river. Not only was I robbed of my youthful innocence
that night, I was robbed of something more precious, my faith.
All of my trust, love, self-respect and self-image were
destroyed at that moment.
The depression started with the first abuse and still
continues. My self-esteem was shot. Many things happened to
me after the abuse that I didn´t understand. I suffered
from depression, a suicide attempt, alcohol and problems with
When doing it I felt like throwing up. I told him I didn´t
feel comfortable doing that.
I have very powerful memories of the abuse. When he did
it I became petrified. I didn´t understand what was happening.
I was in such a state of shock I didn´t say anything to
anyone about what had happened to me.
I wanted so desperately to be heard. I wanted someone
to listen to me. I wanted someone to help me. I wanted to break
the silence and despair that was killing me. I wanted someone
to hear my story. I find it easier to tell my story using the
name John. I can revisit my pain and not hurt myself again.
I remember him doing things to me that had never been
done to me before. I did not know what to call it. He told me
it was ok, it was part of growing up, it was normal. This left
me confused questioning in my own mind how could this be? How
could we do this? Does he think about it when he is saying mass?
I wondered if he told anyone. I was confused. I was afraid.
At the time, I told no one, but then again, I did not know how
to talk about it or what to say. I became less active in the
church, but then again I got a job, so that was the excuse.
I went to mass, but stood in the back. I would not go to communion
to him because it did not feel right.
I was conscious of what was happening. I was terrified,
I couldn´t move! I felt very humiliated
all of these terrible events I was too emotionally scared to
call home. Throughout the trip I was very scared, puzzled and
confused but I felt that if tried to get any help, he would
get very angry. I had to push him away forcefully. I felt sick
I was afraid of what would happen and
tried to use excuses to go home to get ready for school
I would resist as much as I could
. I would struggle very
hard to get him to stop but he would not listen. I never said
anything in those times because I was so frightened.
Sleeping during the night was difficult, often times
I would wake up because his hands were touching me. My initial
response to this experience was one of nausea and confusion.
As the abuse continues over time, young vulnerable victims of
priests wonder: where can I go with this, who can I trust,
I am so sad, I´m angry, I don´t know where to turn.
I pushed him off and ran away from him. I ran out of
his room, down the stairs, out the rectory door and into the
street. I was so scared that I didn´t look before I crossed
the street and I was hit by a car
I never spoke to him
ISNíT IT STRANGE that all this time they were persecuting a
man whom no one but two boys out of a thousand spoke ill about
and not paying attention to thousands of damaging complaints
about the abuses which really took place?
Funny that the only strong emotion Jordan did feel during that
interview was when the psychiatrist asked him about a subject
which was really touchy for him. It was then that all
his confidence and calmness were gone and his voice trailed
off into something completely inaudible and he felt so embarrassed
that the discussion was interrupted for a break:
RG: Most kids around your age start to masturbate by themselves
usually without any kind of experience with another person.[
] Have you continued to do it?
J: I did, I believe, six times after the end of our relationship.
RG: And not since?
J: And not since.
RG: Okay, why did you stop?
J: I didn´t (inaudible)
RG: That´s it. Let´s separate the feeling from him.
RG: Let´s do this. Let´s take a break for about
ten-fifteen minutes and then we´ll continue. So you stretch
your legs. [ ] Okay, so let´s interrupt.
Thank you Helena for your generosity
sharing your investigation!