How to tell a TRUE testimony from a FAKE one

  by Helena on

I´ve read about the heinous crimes of child molestation by clergymen and feel completely sick now.

Besides the devastation of all that evidence and its horrendous details, it dismayed me to see that some of these men´s ways looked similar to what Michael Jackson was accused of. This made me wonder in real despair whether it is possible AT ALL to tell a lie from the truth and draw a clear line between a real child abuser and an innocent man — if the circumstances of their relationship with children are more or less the same.

The situation looked to me completely hopeless until I read the testimonies of the real victims. The several hours of this horrific reading left me in a kind of a stupor with the blood throbbing in my head, the heart pounding and me staring blindly at the wall in sheer consternation. Twenty or thirty years after the actual events the survivors of child abuse are describing their horrible experience in such a way that it makes you feel every little bit of their horror, confusion, fear, shame and guilt as if all this was happening to you, not them…

And this was when I recalled the evidence which Jordan Chandler´s side presented as “proof” of misconduct on the part of Michael Jackson — Jordan´s Declaration of December 28, 1993 and his Interview with a psychiatrist on October 6, 1993.

I suddenly remembered that when reading them for the first time I couldn´t help thinking that for a 13-year old “victim” Jordan sounded remarkably, even superhumanly, calm and composed. Some three months after the alleged relationship was over it was amazing to hear him narrating his story in a quiet and matter-of-fact way, dividing the “relationship” into various stages, reflecting on this and that and calmly correcting himself as regards the dates, places and what did or didn´t take place there.

There was something terribly wrong about his story and something terribly missing there, and after reading the testimony of the REAL victims I realized what it was — the emotions, yes, those gut-wrenching emotions which non-victims cannot imagine and cannot fake no matter how hard they are trying to do it.

The real testimonies show that despite all the children´s love for their would-be abusers (most of whom were revered by the children and their parents) NONE of the victims liked it when they were sexually approached by those men. No, it was completely the other way about — the children were perplexed, bewildered, horrified and feeling that something totally unusual, strange and incomprehensible was happening to them. True, they kept silence about the experience as they felt shame and guilt for their own behavior but ALL of them fought their accusers like mad, resisted them and did everything possible within a child´s power to avoid meeting them again. What a stark contrast with our accuser…

You think that emotions are something which can be easily suppressed by will power or forgotten by distracting oneself in this or that way? NO WAY. Emotions are so sticky to one´s memory that even after some 20 or 30 years the feelings of those abused would still be SO intense that many of them prefer speaking of themselves in the third person only (he, she, John, Belinda) to dissociate themselves from the unfortunate boy or girl they were in their distant past….

In short after seeing testimonies of the REAL victims I have started doubting more than ever the credibility of Jordan´s revelations to his psychiatrist or the official statement he allegedly made on Dec.28,1993 (a week after Michael declared his innocence in that via satellite statement).

By saying that Jordan allegedly made that declaration I express my doubt that it was him at all who made it. If you attentively look at this “legal” document drawn up in Larry Feldman´s office you will see that it opens and closes with the name of someone called J. Chandler (John, James or Joseph?) and finally carries the signature of an adult person, presumably Evan Chandler, which is surely not the signature of Jordan himself (as if a 13-year old boy cannot write or read?).

Such inaccuracies in an official document are rare to find and coupled with the crucial mistake Jordan made in describing Michael´s genitalia (he said he was circumcised while he was not) make the boy´s revelations and documents supporting them highly dubious to say the very least.

Wasn´t the non-circumcised state of his alleged abuser the first thing to notice if the boy was always that calm and composed in their ´relationship´? And he was really calm — the easy and matter-of-fact manner in which Jordan is narrating his story is absolutely stunning…

Yes, the biggest surprise of it all is Jordan´s complete LACK OF EMOTION.

Despite all the graphic details he is describing in his interview Jordan sounds completely devoid of any feeling, which is absolutely — I repeat — absolutely impossible in the case of a real victim. Even if children like him did not fully comprehend what was going on with them they were still frightened out of their guts with the strange things happening to them and the devastation of having to deal with this terrible secret on their own…

When reading Jordan´s interview with psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner I sometimes thought Jordan was an aloof outsider who was probably even rehearsed to say things:

J: I believe it was after the summer. After the summer of ´92 but not…
RG: We´re in ´93.
J: Right. So it was before, like, I believe I had a break in school in February.

RG: When was the first hug?
J: I don´t know.
RG: Do you have any idea?
J: No.
RG: Was it before the summer of ´93?
J: I would think early May, middle May.

RG: What´s the next step?
J: Let´s see, I think the next step was…

RG: What thoughts were on your mind [at that moment]?

J: I thought, it´s weird. It´s like it didn´t feel right but yet it felt good.

RG: Do you feel guilty?
J: Yeah. I regret doing it.
RG: What about fears? Any fears of any kind?
J: No.
RG: You have no fears?
J: Maybe of cross-examination but that´s all. I have nothing to hide.

So he completely MISREAD what kind of fears the psychiatrist was talking about. He thought they had to do with being confused by cross-examination in court and hiding something — a rather tale-telling mistake. In comparison with the panicky way the real victims talked about their abuse Jordan´s replies completely miss the point here and on the whole sound too much sterile and TOO MUCH OF A LIE…

Was the lie deliberate or was it implanted into Jordan´s memory through that sodium amytal drug which we´ve all heard so much about? It does not matter. The only thing that matters is Jordan´s complete lack of emotion when he is telling his story — fake stories or artificially implanted false memories are simply INCAPABLE of conveying the genuine and intense emotions experienced by the real victims of abuse and are therefore betraying their fabricated nature.

Wishing to spare you the details of horrifying testimonies by the really abused children I will reproduce here only the emotions they experienced in the cases comparable to the one narrated in Jordan´s story. And then you will see what makes a TRUE testimony of an abused child different from a FAKE one:

… I was totally shocked and scared… totally confused by what had just happened.

… I was terrified about it and I could not believe what was happening to me. When everyone got up the next morning I told my friend I was feeling sick and wanted to go home. I was terrified of what might happen if I´d stay another night in that cabin. My adolescence was ended that night in the cabin by the river. Not only was I robbed of my youthful innocence that night, I was robbed of something more precious, my faith.

… All of my trust, love, self-respect and self-image were destroyed at that moment.

… The depression started with the first abuse and still continues. My self-esteem was shot. Many things happened to me after the abuse that I didn´t understand. I suffered from depression, a suicide attempt, alcohol and problems with authority.

… When doing it I felt like throwing up. I told him I didn´t feel comfortable doing that.

… I have very powerful memories of the abuse. When he did it I became petrified. I didn´t understand what was happening. I was in such a state of shock I didn´t say anything to anyone about what had happened to me.

… I wanted so desperately to be heard. I wanted someone to listen to me. I wanted someone to help me. I wanted to break the silence and despair that was killing me. I wanted someone to hear my story. I find it easier to tell my story using the name John. I can revisit my pain and not hurt myself again.

… I remember him doing things to me that had never been done to me before. I did not know what to call it. He told me it was ok, it was part of growing up, it was normal. This left me confused questioning in my own mind how could this be? How could we do this? Does he think about it when he is saying mass? I wondered if he told anyone. I was confused. I was afraid. At the time, I told no one, but then again, I did not know how to talk about it or what to say. I became less active in the church, but then again I got a job, so that was the excuse. I went to mass, but stood in the back. I would not go to communion to him because it did not feel right.

… I was conscious of what was happening. I was terrified, I couldn´t move! I felt very humiliated… Throughout all of these terrible events I was too emotionally scared to call home. Throughout the trip I was very scared, puzzled and confused but I felt that if tried to get any help, he would get very angry. I had to push him away forcefully. I felt sick and embarrassed… I was afraid of what would happen and tried to use excuses to go home to get ready for school…. I would resist as much as I could…. I would struggle very hard to get him to stop but he would not listen. I never said anything in those times because I was so frightened.

… Sleeping during the night was difficult, often times I would wake up because his hands were touching me. My initial response to this experience was one of nausea and confusion. As the abuse continues over time, young vulnerable victims of priests wonder: “where can I go with this, who can I trust, I am so sad, I´m angry, I don´t know where to turn.”

… I pushed him off and ran away from him. I ran out of his room, down the stairs, out the rectory door and into the street. I was so scared that I didn´t look before I crossed the street and I was hit by a car… I never spoke to him again.

ISNíT IT STRANGE that all this time they were persecuting a man whom no one but two boys out of a thousand spoke ill about and not paying attention to thousands of damaging complaints about the abuses which really took place?


Funny that the only strong emotion Jordan did feel during that interview was when the psychiatrist asked him about a subject which was really touchy for him. It was then that all his confidence and calmness were gone and his voice trailed off into something completely inaudible and he felt so embarrassed that the discussion was interrupted for a break:

RG: Most kids around your age start to masturbate by themselves usually without any kind of experience with another person.[ ] Have you continued to do it?

J: I did, I believe, six times after the end of our relationship.

RG: And not since?

J: And not since.

RG: Okay, why did you stop?

J: I didn´t (inaudible)

RG: That´s it. Let´s separate the feeling from him.

J: (inaudible)


RG: Let´s do this. Let´s take a break for about ten-fifteen minutes and then we´ll continue. So you stretch your legs. [ ] Okay, so let´s interrupt.

Thank you Helena for your generosity sharing your investigation!